a lovehate story
by YetAnotherFan2010
Summary: A short story about love and acceptance, and the journey in between. "It was like I could read his mind and he could sense my mood. We just got each other. We were best friends… until THAT happened."... AH/AU, SLASH, EDWARD & JASPER
1. Chapter 1

A story about love, acceptance and tolerance. It's my first slash so please be nice! It will be a short story (around 6 chapters) and each chapters will be short as well. I will update it often :)

DISCLAIMER: SM owns it all!

CHAPTER 1

Jaz and I had been inseparable since first grade. Now, we were both Seniors. We had the same classes. We played in the same baseball team and we hung out with the same crowd.

We liked the same things, had the same type of humor, and just understood each other without having to say anything.

It was like I could read his mind and he could sense my mood. We just got each other.

We were best friends… until _that _happened.

I still couldn't believe it had actually happened. I was repulsed, heated and completely confused. How did we get from playing play station to _that._

And why couldn't I stop thinking about it.

I closed my eyes and pulled a pillow over my face, hoping to push these thoughts away. It was all in vain. I couldn't stop remembering about the surging feeling, about the warmth and roughness, about the sounds that had come out of his mouth.

I groaned in frustration and threw the pillow across the room.

I was angry at Jasper for what he'd done. He'd ruined our friendship. He'd crossed the line and didn't even apologize for it.

But then, I hadn't complained much until after we did what we did.

I pulled furiously into my already disheveled hair. I hated the fact that I hadn't pushed him away. I hated that I did to him what he did to me. I hated that I'd actually taken pleasure in it.

I was disgusting.

A soft knock on my door startled me.

"Edward," mom called in a soft voice. " Jasper is here to see you."

My guts twisted and my heart exploded. With fear. With shame. With desire.

I couldn't face him.

"I don't wanna see him!" I stated stubbornly.

Mom opened the door and came in, looking at me with worry.

"Eddie, whatever you two are fighting about, you need to talk about it. He's your best friend."

I shook my head. "I don't want to see him."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Monday I didn't pick up Jasper to go to school together. I still couldn't face him. I still wished that none of it had happened. And I still couldn't stop thinking about how good it had felt.

Emmett, James and Riley immediately asked me why Jasper didn't come to school with me when they met me in front of the building. I shrugged. They eyed me with wonder and worry, but I didn't say anything.

"Hey, here he is," Emmett suddenly exclaimed while waiving at him.

We all looked over to the parking lot and saw him getting off of his beat-up motorcycle. The guys called him over, muttering about how badass he looked. I quickly looked away, weird heat waves coursing through my body as I noticed him riding that big bike, legs strongly clenching it.

I didn't want to look at him as he walked across the lot but my eyes were fixated. He smiled to us and I felt my face flush.

I couldn't forget about that mouth on me, all over me, around me, tasting me, and about how amazing it had felt.

I panicked, nervous to be near him again. I couldn't stand how he glanced over at me with twinkles in his eyes. And I was upset at how my heart skipped a beat when his eyes briefly met mine.

And what if the guys figured it out?

Swiftly, I turned around and walked away into the building without a word. I rushed to class, leaving my friends behind, and avoided Jasper for the rest of the day.

After school, I saw the guys chatting by the front door, and Jasper was one of them. He was smiling and seemed so unbothered by whatever had happened between the two of us. It pissed me off.

I veered, taking the side exit up to the parking lot instead. I noticed from the corner of my eyes that Emmett was jogging towards me.

"Edward, what's up? Are you mad at us or what?"

I shook my head. "Nah, I just don't feel like being around certain people right now."

"So Jasper and you got into a fight? How long is it gonna last this time?" he joked.

I shook my head. "This time is different. I'm done with his bullshit."

"Tell me what happened. He doesn't want to say anything about it and you've been hiding all day. What's going on?"

I shrugged, opening the door to my Volvo, and shoved my bag in it.

"Him and I are not friends anymore. That's it."

Emmett laughed.

I stared at him astounded. It was the most painful truth I had ever said, and he was laughing at me.

"What?" he asked when he realized I was glaring at him. "Jasper and you not being friends, that's impossible! You've been glued at the hips for ten years! Whatever got you pissed won't last more than a week!"

"Whatever," I muttered before jumping into my car and slamming the door.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

The days passed and I still didn't talk to Jasper. I spent my free time in the library, avoiding the cafeteria and other places where he could be seen. It was the longest we had gone without talking since we've become friends.

I missed him and that made me feel pathetic. I refused to accept it. It was a feeling that scared me. I didn't know anymore what was friendship and what could mean something else entirely.

I knew I had never looked at him as anything but a friend for all these years. I knew that I had never thought or wanted to kiss him or touch him _that_ way during all these years with him. But now that I had kissed him and touched him, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was horrified with the idea that I might repeat the same offence again if given a chance.

I couldn't be near him again.

Jasper was gay, I concluded. And he pushed himself on me. I was innocent. I had never asked for it to happen.

It was all his fault.

Thursday was practice and I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid him any longer. But when I reluctantly arrived in the lockers, Jasper wasn't there. The boys talked to me like nothing ever changed. It was nice to be able to joke and hang out with them freely. We got ready and went outside into the field.

We were all silently listening to coach giving us details about our next game in two weeks, when Jasper straddled into the field. He looked tired and a surge of worry took over me. Jasper didn't look over to me as he joined the rest of us and, for no coherent reason, I felt disappointed.

I tried to not look over as Coach got mad and yelled at him, mentioning that this was his second warning. But everybody else was staring at him. Coach said that next time, he would be kicked out of the team. My eyes fell on him and I suddenly felt pity for him. Jasper was staring ahead, never blinking nor cringing while coach got into his face, screaming and putting him down.

I knew that expression on him and I hated it. I knew all too well why he looked that way and it made me feel angry and protective. I always felt mad about how much Jasper suffered in life. It wasn't fair. His face was emotionless and detached, building this wall around him for protection. His cavalier appearance always enraged people, and coach was no exception. Coach thought he was arrogant for not responding and yelled some more. This was the face he used to put on when his dad lost his temper.

Finally, the team got ready to play. I fought against the urge to go to him and to ask if he was okay. I took my spot as the pitcher, feeling anxious and upset. Jasper was the catcher and he was opposite me, waiting. We used to be a team, facing each other, able to anticipate each others' moves and working amazingly well together. Now, I dreaded the moment I would have to look at him and communicate with him. I couldn't meet his eyes without having these feelings inside. I couldn't make signals and silently communicate with him without fearing the intimacy that it provided us with.

When I met his eyes, a flash of anger sparkled through them and it felt like a stab in the chest.

_He hates me too. _

The thought was wrenching. My eyes broke away and I glanced around, afraid my pain was visible. During the game, I couldn't concentrate on anything else. And all the meanwhile, Jasper didn't show any emotions at all as he looked straight at me with mischief. And that started to piss me off.

Coach, frustrated with our repeated failures today, blew the whistle for the end of practice. We all dragged out tired bodies to the locker room in silence.

"If you two don't start talking soon, we're gonna lose big time," Emmett finally said.

"For real, just forget about whatever happened and move on already. You two are acting like chicks!" James added, annoyed.

At that, Jasper snorted. Was it the chick comment or something else, I didn't care to know. His snort drove me to the edge and I felt the heat take over me. Instead of latching out on my teammates, I stormed into the locker room and kicked my locker violently. My foot was pulsing with pain but I ignored it.

I angrily pulled my uniform off and shoved it into my bag. The others joined me and started changing. Some gave me weird glances but nobody said anything to me. I was looking for my clean shirt when I felt _his_ eyes on me like electrical shocks. The warmth that took over my body and the twitch down low repulsed me. I hated him for making me feel this way.

"What are you looking at?" I barked with loath.

He smirked and his eyes locked into my glare, an amused twinkle in his striking blue eyes. I lost the ability to think straight and I leaped over to him without thinking. I punched him straight in the face. He immediately returned hits and in seconds we were on the ground pounding hard at each other. I could feel the stinging and burning but I kept on sending blows anywhere I could reach. Jasper was a better fighter and I was getting beaten. Everything became blurry and I couldn't fight back when hands grabbed him to pull him off of me.

I was heaving with fury and stared at him with hatred while the others restrained me. His glares were as furious as mine, and he was trying in vain to free himself from people. He wanted to continue fighting.

"Go home, Edward," Riley ordered, pulling me out of the locker room. I followed him, feeling the pain sear through my face and my knuckles. Blood was dripping down my face and I wiped it off with my shirt.

"What the hell was that about?" Riley finally questioned when we were out in the cool air.

I kept on walking towards my car and didn't answer him.

"Edward," he said before I climbed into my car. "Something needs to be done. It can't continue like this."

I slammed the door and drove away at high speed. I was still completely, utterly mad.

**Thank you for the reviews and the alerts. I'm glad to see that there are people out there that are enjoying my story :) **


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Once home, I got an ice pack from the freezer and sprawled down on the couch, placing the ice on my throbbing left cheek. I closed my eyes, hoping to nap and forget about the day.

But behind my closed eyelids, all I could see were Jasper's eyes. His eyes, always so expressive to me, always so open, were a mystery to me now. I pictured each glance, each glare he gave me today: the hint of somber anger while on the field, the amused twinkle when we first locked eyes in the locker room, the shock reflecting widely in his stare when I first pounced at him, the pure hatred when he last glared at me.

His eyes haunted me, and my body reacted so keenly to every eye contact we'd exchanged. Each time his eyes were on me, I felt trapped, cocooned, pulled, as if his eyes could bring me to another world.

I exhaled loudly, trying to ignore the tingling in my pants.

I pressed the ice down to my lips and cringed with pain. I wondered if I'd hurt Jasper as badly. I imagined his lips all swollen and suddenly a memory from that night popped into my head. Both of our lips had been plump and red from all the kissing and… I forced myself to stop that train of thought. My body was quickly awaking, eager, at the flow of images.

I couldn't think about that. It was wrong and disgusting. It wasn't me.

I forced myself to think about the upcoming game and focused on that until I felt myself drifting slowly to unconsciousness. I was on the verge of sleep when suddenly, I snapped out of it.

The image of Jasper's frigid, emotionless expression today worried me.

I had only seen him like this after a fight with his dad. But his dad had stopped drinking and had a decent job now. He hadn't touched Jasper in more than a year.

I grabbed my phone and automatically dialed his number, wanting to make sure that everything was okay. But before I could hear the first ring, I shut it off. I reminded myself that I couldn't just call him anymore. We were not friends.

I grabbed a pillow and hid my face in it. I felt like my heart was twisting in agony. My throat contracted and tears escaped.

I didn't want to lose my friend but I knew our friendship didn't exist anymore.

On Friday, everybody was talking about the fight. People were asking me about my side of the story, people pointed at me in the hallway, people talked about me behind my back.

I ignored them all. I didn't talk to anybody as I went from class to class.

I avoided people and tried to not find Jasper. And yet, I craved to just see him from afar, just to alleviate my worries. I still couldn't forget about that expression he had during practice. But I refused to let him know that I cared. I couldn't talk to him.

There was nothing that we could say that would make any of this better between us. Our friendship had been destroyed by our actions of that night.

I hated what had happened between us. I hated him for initiating it. I hated myself for liking it. But I couldn't say any of that. I would never talk about what had happened. I simply had to forget about it. I wanted to pretend like none of it had happened. And the only way to do that was to live as if _he_ had never existed.

But after school, I was faced with the one person I was trying my hardest to not see. Jasper was pacing by my car, his hands shoved in his jeans.

I halted a few feet away and looked at him. He was furious, that was obvious. He looked like he hadn't slept and his hair was as messy as mine.

And still, I enjoyed the view.

That pleasant warmth that once again filled me up brought me back to reason. I couldn't see him. I couldn't talk to him.

I continued walking hastily and passed him without acknowledging his presence. I opened my car and was about to climb when he broke the silence.

"Let's finish what we started yesterday. I wasn't done killing you," he suddenly hissed with hostility.

I turned around and faced him. I held his glare and all I saw was anger.

"Fine. Let's meet by the meadow in an hour." I stated with as much aggression as possible. We both knew I was the soft one of the two. He could be wild and dangerous, while I was still a mama's boy.

But I wouldn't back off. I figured we needed a closure of some kind to our decade old friendship. Fighting sounded like a good way to do that.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Once home, I grabbed some leftover lasagna and sat in front of the TV. But I couldn't concentrate. All I could think about was the fight in less than an hour.

I couldn't really understand why I'd agreed to it. I told myself it was because he deserved to get hurt for ruining everything, for putting all these disturbing thoughts in my head, for making me loose my mind.

And yet a different, more persistent nudge of excitement fizzed in my veins, warning me that it was for another reason entirely that I'd agreed to see him in the meadow.

Fear crept in at the realization and it aggravated me. I refused to accept that and rage simmered in my chest anew. I became antsy and decided to run over to the meadow instead of driving there. I felt the adrenaline pumping through me, my body buzzing with energy.

It took me barely twenty minutes to run up the mountain to get there. I was a fast runner.

There was never anybody up here and I could hear the water from afar. I loved this place. The meadow was always so peaceful. It had always been a place of comfort for me.

I felt a pang in my chest when I remembered how often Jasper and I had come here to hang out and play over the years. We had shared so many secrets and laughter in this place.

And now everything had changed. Now, we were meeting here to fight.

I stared into the distance and watched the sky change colors as the sunset lowered over the mountains. The abundance of memories, the beauty of this place, the regrets of what had become of our friendship, made me feel cold and empty. It made me feel sad.

I raked my hand into my hair and started pacing, confused, frustrated and overwhelmed by all these conflicting emotions twirling in me.

It took me a while to notice him a few feet away, standing straight, immobile, his eyes following me with intensity. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination but he looked sad too.

I stilled, my eyes locked into his and once again my heart skipped a beat at his sight. There was a heavy current humming between us. I felt my breath falter and my knees quiver as he looked at me with pure hunger. My brain was all jumbled up and I forgot why we were here in the first place.

I wanted to go to him. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to tell him he was still my best friend and that I missed him.

Cautiously, Jasper stepped forward, his nervous hand brushing his wavy hair back. He walked closer to me, his eyes burning my skin, and excitement flared in me.

The sensation was pleasant. It surprised me. And suddenly I realized I was feeling these things for Jasper, for a guy, and it irritated me a lot. Hope and want coursed in me and I felt appalled by my own unintentional desires.

I refused to feel any of this for him, and just like that the anger returned and the wish to hurt him grew.

Jasper noticed the change immediately and I saw his hopeful face drop into a scowl as I pounced at him. His body quivered and he almost lost balance. I took this opportunity to punch him hard in the stomach. I hit him a few more times before he regained his bearing and started attacking.

Soon, he had the upper hand and I was getting hammered. Blows and hits came from every side, and I tried to block them in vain. I couldn't see anything and trampled, falling to the ground.

He leaped over me, and held me down. A surge of bliss flickered in me as he straddled me and I tried to push him away, striving for the tingles on the inside to disappear as well. I closed my eyes shut, refusing to let the warmth spread.

I could feel his heavy breath over my face as he pinned me down, making it impossible for me to move.

I knew the fight was over. I had lost. But as the unwilling arousal sparkled further when his body pressed against mine again, I wiggled underneath him to set myself free and the flicker of euphoria at the unexpected friction freaked me out. The tightness in my pants grew and I felt him firm against my stomach and I craved to hurt him for it. I was a bundle of contradictions as lust and loath blended and twisted my guts.

He had to pay for doing this to me.

"Faggot" I hissed with hatred.

His body became utterly motionless on top of me. I regretted my words as soon as I uttered them. I could feel the misery oozing from Jasper. Everything around us froze as my word echoed disgracefully in the air between us. The blasphemy stung me as much as it broke Jasper. It was an attack on both of us.

I was scared of witnessing the hurt and betrayal in his eyes but felt obligated to look at him. I opened my eyes to see him glaring at me with shock, grief apparent in his cold eyes. His jaw was flexed intently and he breathed roughly.

My heart twisted with guilt and sadness.

He didn't hit me. He didn't curse back. He simply loosened his grip on me, got up and left me on the floor as he disappeared in the horizon.

I watched him leave, feeling my guts ripping apart, scorching my insides like blazing razors. I felt horrible and completely remorseful, wanting with all my heart to take the word back. Tears fled my eyes as I realized I had never seen Jasper so offended and dejected, and sad before.

I stayed on the ground, all alone, the damp earth penetrating my dirty clothes, as my body pounded with pain. The bruises flared and the blood dried. I felt spent and heavy and so empty. The injuries he had inflicted me were nothing compared to the torment rising on the inside. My every cells and particles ached and I felt completely lost. I was afraid it would tear me apart, that I would explode from an overload of emotions.

I stared into the darkness and cursed at the sky, my agony resonating against the trees.

**Thanks for all of you enthusiastic readers! I know you were hoping for some loving in the meadow but Edward is just being Edward... But I promise there will be some kissing real soon :)**

**Sorry for that disgusting F word. I think Edward is sorry too for using it...**

**Don't forget to review!  
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	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

I walked home with difficulty because of how injured I was. I cursed myself for not having taken the car there. The pain in the right side of my body was excruciating and my knee was burning with each step I made.

When I finally reached home, it was dark and cold outside. The house was empty since my parents were not home.

"What took you so long? I was so worried," his low, raspy voice startled me, making me jump as I stared into darkness. Jasper was sitting on the porch. I could barely discern his silhouette.

I couldn't fight anymore. I was completely drained with too much thinking and feeling. I couldn't take it anymore, nor the guilt, or the happiness at him being here, or the repulsion at being relieved to see him again.

I ignored his presence and tried to walk up the steps to the front door. I held on tightly to the ramp for support. I could feel his eyes on me as I moved with difficulty. My heart was speeding, from exertion or excitement I wasn't sure. Each movement was painful but I hid my groans.

I heard him get up and come towards me. Cautiously, he took my arm and placed it around his shoulders as he braced his other arm around my waist for support. I didn't push him away, even when I undeniably relished at the sparkles that erupted all over my skin.

His warmth spread through me with satisfaction as tingles spread under my skin at his nearness. The blood rushed and boiled under his touches and I felt pleasure when his fingers dug deeper into my waist.

I was too tired to fight against those enjoyable sensations.

We didn't say anything as he opened the door for me and led me inside my own house, and I didn't argue when he helped me up to my room. Our breathing and the echo of my heart was all I could hear as I leaned more against him as we slowly approached my bedroom. We stayed silent as he sat me on the edge of my bed.

I cringed with despair when he let go of me and I watched him with longing when he disappeared into my bathroom without a word. Soon, he came back out with a wet cloth and my medicine bag.

My heart accelerated with hope when he walked back toward me. He placed the bag and the cloth next to me and came to face me. I lowered my eyes, staring at my dirty shoes, wanting to look up so badly but so afraid of what I would do if I met his eyes. I couldn't trust my own instincts anymore.

I knew I was too tired to fight back against this inexplicable yearning. But I didn't know if I could act on it either. I was still too afraid.

Jasper grabbed the hem of my damped shirt and my heart leaped out of my chest, my breath getting stuck in my throat, my groin rejoicing. I let a shaky exhale out as he pulled my shirt up and threw it to the side. He kneeled in front of me and weird flutters danced in my stomach. Unconsciously, my legs widened and he scooped closer.

I quickly glanced up and Jasper was ogling my torso with evident desire. I bit my lip to not moan in pleasure at the mere sight of him watching me. Blazing heat jolted in my bones like firecrackers.

He took the warm cloth and placed it on my thumping temple, delicately rubbing off the dried blood. I closed my eyes and sighed with pleasure. It felt amazing. I kept my eyes closed as I focused on his soft caresses as he washed me, so caring and gentle.

I was aware of his deep breathing fanning against my wet skin, causing a thrilling sensation of cold and warmth. I shivered unintentionally as his hand delicately caressed my lips with the cloth.

My eyes fluttered open and I saw his eyes intensely staring down to my lips. I was captivated. I couldn't look anywhere else. My whole body hummed with bliss and want. His eyes, bright with admiration and desire met mine. He held my gaze and I felt myself stir and grow.

A haze of need and delight enveloped me. The buzzing silence, the burning flutters that grew in me, and the loud echo of my heart made me forget about everything else. I was in another world, lost in a dream far away.

It was magnetic and I lost all logic.

We were both panting and without a second thought, I followed my instincts. My hands framed his face with haste and desperation. I pulled him closer with fervor, immediately crushing my bruised lips against his with pure hunger. I craved to taste him and to feel him once more.

We both groaned when we made contact at last. Our lips immediately fell into a synchronized dance, fervent and yet so tender. My hands tug strongly into his hair as his hands held passionately onto my waist. He dug his hands deep into my skin and roughly pulled me against him. I moaned as he grinded into me. My legs automatically wrapped around him, bringing him even closer to me. My lips frantically savored every inch of him as pure bliss exploded through me. I rejoiced at the ecstasy of him flushed against me, strong and hot.

At this instant, I didn't care if this was not what was expected of me. I didn't care if people would judge me for this. I didn't care if I won't be understood for it.

I was kissing Jasper and it felt like heaven.

Jasper pulled away and tried to catch his breath as he stared at me inquisitively. Full of desire, I leaned forward to take his lips once more. Jasper clasps his mouth shut and pushed a hand against my chest, restraining me from closing the gap between us.

"Edward," he gasped, breathless.

I melted at the sound of his lips whispering my name with such passion. I had to have him.

He repeated my name again, with a little more strength. My eyes reluctantly looked away from his moist lips and met his lustful gaze.

"We need to talk," he said nervously.

I shook my head and grabbed his face, dragging him near me.

"Dammit, Edward," he groaned. "We have to talk about this. I don't want to have to face a lunatic jerk the next day at school. I can't handle you hating me for this."

"There's nothing to talk about," I finally managed to mutter, feeling anger flare inside.

Jasper pulled himself upward and rubbed a tensed hand over his face before staring at me.

"I'm gay, Edward. And I like you, a lot." he stated in a rush, his eyes piercing through me.

I stared in shock for a little too long. How dare he said these words out loud. How dare he talked about this right now, when I was shirtless and hard for him. How dare he put me in this situation, again.

Hatred fumed in me. I swiftly got up and stormed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

"Get the fuck out of my house," I yelled back before collapsing against the door, my entire body shaking violently.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

There was silence one the other side of the door as I tried to control my shaking and my erratic breathing. I felt as if everything was shattering around me. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing was as it was supposed to be.

Jasper was gay. The words echoed in my head endlessly. I didn't really comprehend it. As if these three words and the reality as I knew it and all my memories of my best friend didn't match up. Nothing fit together anymore.

_I'm not gay_, I pleaded with fright.

I pulled at my hair with anxiety.

I had kissed Jasper. I had wanted to touch him. I had pulled him close to me so I could taste him, and there was no denying I had liked every second of it.

I let myself fall down onto the bathroom floor, hiding my head in my hands.

I couldn't believe that it had happened again. I couldn't understand why I kept on losing control around Jasper and why my mind always became so hazy when he was near.

He was driving me crazy.

I held my breath when I heard Jasper move around in my room. I listened as the door closed behind him. He was leaving.

My heart ached and I banged my head with force against the door.

I was torn between wanting to rush to him so I could beg for forgiveness, and never ever looking his way again in my life.

The walls of my sheltered existence seemed to crumple down the more I thought and the more I felt.

Everything I thought I knew for certain was being challenged. I didn't know who Jasper was anymore, and more frighteningly, I didn't even know who I was anymore.

All I knew was that for whatever explanation, I liked being with Jasper.

The infernal torment needed to stop.

I pulled myself up and opened the door. I ran down the stairs, oblivious to the injuries. I slammed open the front door, breathless, and looked for Jasper in the darkness. I hoped that it wasn't too late.

I stepped out and the cold air calmed me at once. I heard sound from the driveway and stared, begging for my eyes to see something.

And then, a flutter in my heart revived me. Jasper was still here.

He was standing next to his motorcycle and was about to put is helmet on when I called out his name.

His head snapped toward me and I knew he was more than surprised to see me. I stared at him, trying to figure out this new reality I lived in. His eyes stayed on me, soft and warm. He allowed me to search in them, to try to understand what all of this meant. He slowly turned around to face me completely, holding his helmet to his side.

I took a deep breath and found the courage to speak.

"How…What…When…" I mumbled, still too confused to speak coherently.

Jasper shifted his eyes to the side nervously, and then focused his gaze to his feet. His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he inhaled deeply.

"I've always known, Edward. I just didn't have the courage to admit it to myself before. I refused to accept the truth until after we…" he trailed off. We both knew what he meant at that.

Silence filled the space between us and Jasper shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"I'm sorry for freaking you out. I should've told you before… Not like this…Not now…" He mumbled.

The world around was still twirling and shifting with confusion. I focused on the depth of his gaze, sensing the affection and the warmth. The jumble seemed to gradually settle as his eyes anchored me steadily.

He was waiting for me to say something but I stayed shut. I stared, striving to comprehend the enormity of our predicament. I was numb with shock.

"I've ruined everything. I thought you felt the same," Jasper babbled, breaking eye contact with me, and shaking his head with shame.

"I understand if you don't wanna be friends anymore. I know this changes everything," he suddenly added, lack of emotion in his voice.

A burning tear cut through me at his words. Things had changed, drastically. Nothing was as before. But the thought that Jasper, who knew me better than anybody, who always understood my feelings even better than myself, believed that I didn't feel anything for him, broke me.

"It changes things," I echoed his words thoughtfully, reflecting on the implications of all this, pondering where we would go from here.

He nodded, avoiding my eyes, and turned back toward his bike. The expression on his face was withdrawn and remote and my chest contorted in pain at the sight. My heart shattered at the realization that he had misinterpreted my words.

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! You are all amazing! **

**This story is getting to the end... There is only 1 chapter left...**


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

I stared at his back as he reached for his helmet, getting ready to leave.

I panicked. I wanted his eyes locked into mine again. I wanted to see him smile again. I wanted him with me. I wanted him to tell me more about all these changes so I could understand everything that shuffled around me and inside of me.

I couldn't let him leave.

"Jasper, wait," I begged.

I took long strides towards him. He looked back, his pained eyes searing through my bones. He shifted his body once again to face me, defensive, as I tried in vain to find the right words to make it all better.

"I… I…" I muttered, speechless, as I halted only a few meager feet away from him. I looked at him with desperation and he locked his eyes with mine. I bid him to see how much I cared for him as I still tried to grasp this novel concept.

The new reality was slowly making sense, and suddenly, these sensations that rushed in me when near Jasper didn't seem as foreign anymore.

Jasper tore his eyes away from mine, the silence hurting him.

"Edward, you don't have to say anything. It's okay," I heard the hint of melancholy escaping him.

I shook my head. He didn't understand what I was trying to say.

"I'm not sorry you told me, Jas. I… I wish I could've listened to you before."

He gave a small smile and glanced at me.

The way he looked at me went straight to my guts. There was hope and relief, and yet so much pain and sorrow under the surface.

"Have you told anyone else?" I wondered aloud.

He shrugged. "I told my dad." He chuckled bitterly. "He told me I would burn to hell and that I was no son of his, like that was any news at all."

I held my tears in as I felt the weight of his words. This was the bitter truth of this new reality: Prejudice. Homophobia. Hatred.

My fists clenched angrily.

"He's the one who's gonna rot in hell." I spat. "He would be so lucky as to have a son like you."

"His my only family, Ed."

I shook my head. "You have me," I whispered, suddenly feeling vulnerable. "You know you've always been part of my family."

He studied me for a long time and I twitched uncomfortably under his scrutiny. But I loved feeling his eyes on me.

"Even now? Even after knowing that I'm a fag?"

The word stung and I despised hearing that curse on Jasper's lips. I hated even more that he was repeating my own profanity. He was reminding me of how I had hurt him not that long ago, and of how I had rejected him as soon as I realized things were not as simple as I wished.

My heart dropped like a rock and scattered on the muddy ground.

"I'm sorry, Jas." I told him with so much grief. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologized," he said, waving his free hand.

"No. I need to apologize. I've been an ass and I've treated you like hell. And it's not fair. I've never meant to hurt you."

I lowered my eyes to the ground and braced myself to say what I really wanted to say. My heart was beating frantically in my ears and my stomach twisted nervously. And yet, I was so excited.

"Jas, you mean so much to me. I've never cared so much for somebody before and I've never wanted anyone the way I want you, and it scares me shitless. I…"

"Stop talking," he cut me off, his low voice uncharacteristically trembling.

My eyes raised to his face and instantly our gazes locked with fire. My heart was beating so fast I was worried I would faint with all the emotions that were finally flowing freely in me.

His eyes were my anchor, and I stared at them with exhilaration. There was a bright twinkle in his eyes as they devoured me. That familiar nudging awakened under the intensity of his stare.

I smiled, shyly.

"You want me?" he asked in a hush. I nodded, feeling my face turn red.

He smiled, all worries and anxiety lifted. He looked beautiful. A warm shiver of lust traveled through me. I've always loved the way he smiled at me.

"Oh Edward, I've always wanted you." he whispered, his voice husky and deep, and fervent heat settled low in my groin, sparkles resonating all over my skin.

His smile grew into a grin and I felt so light and happy. He wrapped his hand around mine, and the familiar tingles spread around. He gently pulled me near him and I walked closer, my heart pounding to the speed of light. The gap between us became nonexistent and I could feel his warmth meeting me, making me completely weak to my knees. His scent perfumed my lungs with perfectness and I was heaving for more.

Jasper tore his eyes away from mine to contemplate my lips. I bit them with anticipation as I stared down to his welcoming mouth.

The yearning and pure need exploded in my core. I couldn't wait any longer, I needed him.

"Edward, can I kiss you?" He implored, breathless.

"Please," I begged.

We both leaned in at the same time, and awkwardly bumped heads, and giggled, and finally reached each other's lips. Our kiss was urgent and wet and a celebration. My hands weaved into his blond curls and I felt the grazing of his magical fingers on my skin, trailing their way up to my hair as well.

I moaned shamelessly when I felt his tongue tangle around mine.

Our lips pressed and tasted as we finally acknowledged our true feelings and accepted each other for who we were. Our tongues explored and savored as we both rejoiced knowing that the other felt the same and that it was more than okay.

This was our first real kiss. This was us showing to each other how much we meant to each other.

And just like this, all the pieces found their respective place. Everything finally fitted perfectly. Everything made sense in this new reality.

Anger didn't exist anymore. Confusion had disappeared. Fear was conquered.

I finally knew that Jasper was the only thing that could ever make me feel this good. I knew at this instant that I was gay and that I loved Jasper.

**THE END.**

**I hope you liked it...**

**It was a great experience writing a slash for the first time **(Edward and Jasper are such a great couple!) **and I really enjoyed reading all of your reactions and advices along the way. THANK YOU for your support :)**

**xoxo**


	9. outtake

Outtake: coming out

Monday, I woke up feeling dazed, restless and sore, and yet so completely peaceful.

I smiled at the memory of the weekend and how everything had been an incredible bubble of happiness and pleasure after I had finally told Jasper I wanted him too.

It was unbelievable how the fear of losing Jasper had made everything suddenly clear in my head. I knew now that I had always felt something more for him, that I had always looked at him with a yearning to know what he would feel like under me, that I had always admired his reddish lips, wondering how they would taste against mine.

Now, I knew that I had always been completely and irrevocably captivated by Jasper, and I didn't have to pretend anymore.

For the last forty-eight hours, Jasper and I had been a tangle of arms and legs and sweat on my small bed. Words had been flowing freely, in whispers and breathless moans, telling each other everything we felt, every touch we liked, every body part we marveled.

We had explored and worshiped each other endlessly, as if finally granted water after years lost in the desert. And it was exactly as if I had found myself for the first time, as if I had been lost all this time before and now I finally knew who I was.

As my alarm clock rang again, reminding that today was a school day, I allowed my fingers to trace my lips, still a little swollen, and my heart raced at the thought of seeing Jasper soon. I already missed his greedy mouth, his nibbles and licks, and the way his groans would resonate inside of my mouth when I would touch him with devotion, wrapping my long fingers around his length, holding within my palm the pulsing proof of how much I affected him, of how much he wanted me.

My body stirred at the memory of Jasper flushed and heaving and grunting, naked flesh against naked flesh, as he'd wired the buzzing fire in my body and led it to ecstasy with each stroke and each twirl of his tongue. The explosions had rocketed in my head and my toes in pure bliss as his mouth and hands and voice brought me to an unimaginable level of pleasure, creating new sensations that I had never even dared to fathom in my wildest fantasies.

The third time my alarm clock rang, I groaned in frustration and got up, shaking off the needs and wants my body was begging for.

Mom and dad were downstairs making breakfast and I had to be presentable. I quickly got dressed, grabbed my backpack and made my way to the kitchen, where the smell of eggs and bacon was perfuming the house.

Mom smiled at me and served me, before coming around the counter to give me a big hug.

"I've missed you," she said in a low voice. "I hate when I have to work away for a few days. And dad had the worst schedule last week."

Dad, who was sitting at the counter, his newspaper in hand, looked up at me and smiled.

"So how was your week, son?" he asked, looking at me over his newspaper.

I smiled back at them, trying my hardest to not blush at everything I was hiding from them.

"It was only four days," I joked, forcing my voice to be casual.

Suddenly, mom gazed at me with concern and her wide eyes traveled over my face with panic.

"What happened to you," she exclaimed, her fingers on my face, trailing against the bruises under my eyes and the swell on the side of my mouth.

I knew I still looked like I had been beaten to death, but I didn't feel any of the pain and I couldn't seem to care about any of this, because that had happened in another life, before I had been with Jasper.

"It's nothing, mom." I muttered.

She called dad over and they both studied me, dad with medical expertise and mom with irrational motherly concern.

"He's going to be fine," dad soothed mom. "But that must've been a pretty bad fight you had. What happened? You know we don't believe in violence."

"Jasper and I fought on Friday but everything's good now."

Mom gasped. "Jasper did this to you!"

I sighed. I didn't want mom to see Jasper as somebody who would hurt me. Jasper would never hurt me. I knew from experience that he would do anything and everything possible to make me happy – to make me feel good.

"It was my fault. I'd asked for it." I explained, still horribly ashamed and guilty about how I had treated Jasper for the last week.

I hoped I had made it up to him during the last two days. I wouldn't mind making it up to him for the next century. I promised myself to put his needs and wants before mine for eternity.

My chest clenched at the realization of how much I cared for him, and it scared me a little, but it mostly made me feel eager to see him again so I could show him just how much he meant to me.

"Edward?" mom called, trying to pull me away from my reverie.

I looked up at her and she repeated her question. "What happened between you two? Is everything back to normal?"

I stared at her and then at dad, suddenly panicking. They both stared at me with worry, and mom was asking the questions I dreaded the most, and yet I wanted them to know me, to know how my world had changed over the weekend.

I didn't know if I was ready to expose my true self to the rest of the world, what if they were not ready for me, what if mom and dad would react the same way Jasper's dad had.

"Things are good, really good, now between us," I repeated from earlier, trying to convey the underlying message without having to actually verbalize it. "We just had to… to talk about things that are _different_ now, and I wasn't ready at first, so we fought… because I couldn't accept the truth and I was scared and stupid, and…" My voice broke and I realized my eyes were damp.

Both of my parents listened intently, dad's brow was crinkled and mom's eyes were distressed and confused. Mom suddenly leaned forward and took me in her arms again, squeezing me hard against her heart, and it felt good to be comforted.

"It's okay, Eddie. Everything is okay, no matter what it is," she whispered, kissing my forehead.

I sighed and looked at mom through my wet eyelashes. I knew then that she would accept me for who I was. So I took a deep breath, pulled away from her so I could face them properly, and I prepared myself to confess the most important thing in my life: who I really was.

"Mom, dad, I have something important to tell you," I stated with more bravura than I thought possible. They both stood straight, their caring eyes on me. "During this last week, I realized something about myself and Jasper helped me understand it better." I continued, watching them intently and all I saw was love and support in both of their gazes. I smiled nervously before just blurting out the rest. "I'm gay, and I really, really care for Jasper, and he feels the same for me."

Mom and dad looked at each other quickly, and then turned to look at me, the same love and support in their eyes. Mom smiled tenderly and brushed my hair back before giving me another big hug, enveloping her little frame around me like when I was a kid.

"I love you, Eddie. And dad too." She kissed my cheek and pulled away, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

Dad patted my head before placing his hands on each of my shoulders. "We will always be here for you, son."

I stared at him in awe, seeing only sincerity and pride in his eyes.

"Thank you," I mouthed soundlessly.

"Jasper is good person, and I'm happy that you found each other. You know we love him like a son, too, and I'm glad you are both okay now."

My smile grew exponentially at her words, and that she knew how amazing he was and that they saw him as family too.

"We're more than okay, mom. We are so happy."

**I couldn't resist writing a little more about these two... maybe I'll write one more to see how they deal with their group of friends...**

**I hope you liked it :)**


	10. outtake 2

**Here's your Valentine's gift from me. Enjoy. Happy Love Day!**

OUTTAKE 2

I rushed to school, my heart beating stronger than usual. Finally, I felt like things were as they should. I'd told my parents that I was gay and I'd told them about Jasper. And everything went better than I'd dreamt of.

I couldn't believe that it was only a few days ago that I was adamantly begging the skies to make me normal. It was only a few days ago that the fear and disgust of being attracted to Jasper was devastating me, that the rage and despair was scorching my soul as I was denying my own desires, barring myself to feel this magical peace and contentment.

Now, I grinned widely as I parked my car next his motorcycle. I felt a little ridiculous when my heart fluttered as I savored the glorious sight of my boyfriend on his bike. My body reacted to him just by looking at him. He affected me simply by breathing. He was amazing, and beautiful and right now, he was so damn sexy.

He glanced over at me as he pulled off his helmet, freeing his angelic golden curls. The glimmer in his eyes met me and he winked as he swung his leg over, and got off of his bike.

I bit my lips with desire and blushed, thrilled that Jasper was flirting with me so freely. I wondered if he knew how much he affected me as I shifted uncomfortably in my too tight pants.

I breathed deeply, trying to regain sanity as my hormones took over and overheated blood coursed through my body frantically. I was having difficulty thinking clearly as I ached to run to him and wrap my arms around him.

My whole body craved to touch him but I couldn't do that. This was Forks High, of little, conservative town of Forks. I feared how people would react to us.

I anxiously raked my hair and let out a loud exhale before grabbing my bag and stepping out of the car.

I wasn't sure how I would survive the remaining four months of high school without people noticing how completely transfixed and enthralled I was by Jasper. I couldn't look at him without my lips spreading into a smile. I couldn't meet his eyes without getting lost in their warm ocean of comfort.

But I had to hide it all from others.

Jasper bit his lip as I made my way to him, and I nearly moaned at the sight. He played with his helmet, keeping his hands busy, and I knew that he wanted to touch me as well. We both wished we could greet each other the way other couples could.

I kept my distance with difficult restraint. My voice was stuck in my throat and decided to nod instead.

"Hey," he whispered back. His soft, husky voice made me almost lose all self-control as my body shook with pure needs. My eyes locked with his without permission and the intensity brought tingles to my skin.

But then, Emmett loud voice broke the spell as he ran to us with a goofy grin on his face.

"Oh my fucking god, please tell me that you two are cool again!" he exclaimed over-excitedly.

I rolled my eyes as Jasper laughed and clapped his hand on Emmett's shoulder.

"Yeah, man, we're cool."

They walked ahead of me as I fought against the irrational jealousy that Jasper had just patted Emmett and, meanwhile, I hadn't even been able to touch him yet.

Jasper glanced back at me as Emmett and him chatted about the forthcoming game. His gave me a small private smile and I instantly relaxed, seeing in his eyes the same desires that I shared.

We each went to our respective classes and later, the whole crew met for lunch. The guys were relieved to hear that Jasper and I were on good terms once again.

But then, James stared at us with his devilish eyes and snickered. "So you two made up? How sweet."

Everybody at the table laughed. I felt the blush creep into my cheeks as my breath hitched with panic. I glanced at Jasper and saw the anger in his glare, his hands balled into clenched fists over the table.

"What are you trying to say, James?" Jasper hissed with strained control.

James laughed some more. " You know exactly what I mean. You two act like a fucking couple with your catty fights and pussy make-up sessions."

I felt sick to my stomach as the familiar feeling of shame and fear spread through me. The comments reinforced the reality that what Jasper and I had was not normal, that it wasn't okay.

Jasper abruptly stood up, the veins in his neck strained with fury.

"You better watch what the hell you're saying, or-"

Emmett pulled Jasper back to his seat, thankfully cutting him off. "Okay, let's all calm down now."

"It was a stupid joke, Jaz," Riley scoffed. "Don't be such a pussy."

Jasper stared at Riley and James with pure hatred and Emmett whispered something in his ear to keep him calm. He took a deep breath and looked down, his hands still clasped into angry fists. Sudden anger erupted in me. I couldn't stand to see Jasper suffer once more. He had already gone through so much in his life, and I refused to let some lowlife insult him.

I knew I had to fight back. Jasper didn't have anybody that supported him unconditionally. He didn't have parents like mine. All he had was me. And I had already messed up pretty bad. It was time to redeem myself once again.

"The joke wasn't funny, dickhead, it was offensive." I hissed.

All heads turned to me and I felt the blood paint my pale cheeks crimson. But the anger didn't subside. Their snidely remarks stung like hell. Why did they think that making homophobic comments would be funny? How dare did they make fun of my choice of whom I loved. What was to mock about that?

"Were you saying something, Eddie?" James mocked.

I gulped, my heart stuck in my throat and my palms sweating. I hated any kind of confrontations, and James was known to fight dirty. But I had grown so much in the last days, and I would not let this jerk put us down so easily. I was ready to stand proudly for who I was now. I wasn't ashamed anymore. This was too big to ignore. This was way too personal, and this little ignorant jerk had no rights to belittle me or my boyfriend.

"I said that you're a worthless homophobic dickhead and that nobody is laughing with you."

"What did you fucking call me?" James snarled, leaping over the table. I froze in panic. Emmett and Jasper swiftly grabbed him before he reached me and held him tightly against the table. Riley tried to defend James but Mike and Laurent quickly stopped him, holding him back with all their strengths.

"Dude, we can't all get suspended right before the game," Mike begged.

The boys seemed to calm down because, no matter how we felt about each other, sport and our games always seemed to be more important.

"For real, we're still a team, no matter what," Emmett stated.

Jasper let go of James with disgust and glanced toward me. I tried to smile and cover the pain and anger that I was feeling right now. It hurt to know that the people you thought were your friends hated the real you. He smiled too but it didn't reach his eyes either.

Then he faced the offenders and glared straight at them with so much confidence and fierce that my body ignited with pride.

"Edward and I _are_ a couple, and I fucking love him so if you have a problem with it, you better keep it to yourself cuz if one of you ever try to disrespect us again, I'll fucking kick your ass."

Everything froze as all I heard were his words resonate like heavenly chimes. _He loves me._ His words reverberated in me with so much truth and promise that I felt my heart expand in my chest. I could hardly notice my teammates as their eyes widened in shock and repulsion. All of my doubts and insecurities disappeared as I realized that what I had with Jasper was the real deal. This was true love.

I quickly made my way to him, needing to be near him, to show him how much he meant for me as well. At that same instant, Riley pulled away from Mike and Laurent. "I ain't playing with fags on the team," he hissed before stomping away.

James followed him. "Me neither. Don't wanna catch a disease."

Jasper crouched, getting ready to attack them. In quick strides, I reached him and placed a soothing hand over his shoulder, relishing at the perfect sensation of his skin on mine.

His eyes met mine, and our connection was strong and real and invincible.

"Forget about them, Jaz. They're not worth it."

He leaned closer to me, and my body rejoiced at his warmth, my body humming with glee.

"But you're worth it, Edward. Nobody should treat you that way," he whispered softly.

His breath tickled me and his delicious scent enveloped me. Goosebumps erupted over my heated flesh as his voice buzzed through me.

"I don't care about them. You're the only one that matters."

His eyes shone anew and the deep blue mollified into a calm, happy gaze. His beautiful lips spread widely, and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"So, uhm, I guess it's just us three now," Emmett coughed, ripping us from our little happy cloud. We both looked at him and noticed that everybody else had vanished. "But don't think I'm gonna have a threesome with you two, you're cute and all, but I'm still one hundred percent into chicks!" he exclaimed.

Jasper rolled his eyes and we all started laughing.

"Don't worry, Em, Edward is all I'll ever want." Jasper laughed.

And at this exact moment, I didn't care that we were standing in the middle of the school cafeteria, in a conservative little town. I had to have him right now so I locked my arms around my perfect boyfriend and pulled him against me, enjoying the fire that built in me at the contact.

"I love you too," I confessed before taking his soft, pliable lips into mine and kissing him with complete adoration. I tasted his lower lip before deepening the kiss. Jasper moaned before kissing me back with fervor.

There might have been gasps, and giggles, and cruel slurs thrown our way, but none of it affected me because I was kissing the most wonderful boy in the world and I felt like the luckiest guy on Earth.

He pulled back and stared at me. His eyes showed so much emotions and so much happiness, that I had to swallow down tears.

"I love you so much," he beamed with certainty, and my whole body exploded with bliss.

**So this is really it... I am not planning on writing more for this story... I hope that this last glance into their lives was good, satisfying and left you with a grin...**

**Thanks once again to all my readers and to all your words of support! And don't forget to give me some more love please :D**


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